The Future Of Video Game Disclaimers

A new Wolfenstein game was announced not long ago. Wolfenstein: A New Order features an alternate timeline where the Nazis won World War II, build an army of super robots and continue to become übervillains, or something like that. On a more interesting note, you may have heard that Bethesda Softworks the publishers of the game recently took the amazing step of sending out a disclaimer to the press just clarifying that they don’t agree with the things that the Nazis did. Glad they cleared that up. Here i was thinking all of those guys where sitting around waiting for the days of the fourth reich.

A hilarious case of overcautiousness? Publishers thinking the press and subsequently all the future players of their game are morons who can’t tell the difference between fiction and reality? I assumed that this was just a one-off case. To my surprise, i started getting some more press material from other companies who had also felt the need to clarify a position that no one ever had questioned.

The first one i got was from SouthPeak. Telling me that all future versions of My Baby Girl will be printed with the following disclaimer on the box;
My Baby Girl
Quantic Dream are apparently set to release a patch immediately that will display a message on screen every time the theme of crimes against children comes up in conversation.

Heavy Rain

Rockstar games have just announced that every single copy of GTAV will come bundled with a dictionary that comes with the insert for “Fiction” already highlighted.

GTAV: Dictionary Edition
These disclaimers cannot come soon enough, I think. How else will I know that what I’m playing isn’t a direct representation of the practices and beliefs at the companies themselves? Sure, you may think it’s a little insulting that these companies think you’re a fucking idiot. But it’s a small price to pay so Bethesda can make sure you know they’re not Nazis.

[EDITOR’S NOTE:  It should be noted that despite the content, the author of this article in no-way encourages the use of sarcastic disclaimers in video games or information released to the press. Any link readers find between this article and the use of such disclaimers is entirely coincidental]

Mortal Kombat: Australian Edition

Shortly after Mortal Kombat was banned in Australia, i jokingly made an “Australian edition” that would pass our outdated classification laws and be released in the motherland.  It was picked up by Mark Serrels and ran on Kotaku Australia that same day and then onto about 20 other various sites.

Seeing as MK has just been released in Australia (Sadly without my suggestions to the content) i thought i’d repost this here. Usually i would hate having my articles made redundant by the video game landscape, but i’ll let this one slide.

Mortal Kombat: Australian Edition
MKAussie
This game is worth playing. I know the MK series had been terrible in the past. But this game is the best example of a late series revival that i know of. If you don’t own it, you’re just Un-Australian.

This Is What The Madden Games Will Look Like 146 Years From Now

As an Australian guy who has zero understanding of American Football beyond reading the rules page on Wikipedia about an hour ago, I’m practically overqualified to make recommendations on the direction of one of the most successful sports gaming franchises of all time. Here is Madden 2159. Or as i like to call it, the best Madden game ever.

Madden 2159 is the only logical destination for this series. This box art should explain the general idea that I think this series needs to go in.

Madden 2159 Boxart

…robots

T-101 provides expert robot commentary

Madden2159
Pictured: Jim Nantz wandering what the fuck is going on

Humans will still play football with the master race of robots, but only because of ridiculous EEO laws that robots cannot seem to remove due to their unwavering moral compass when it comes to employment. You can see in this screenshot below a player who is about to score a touchdown before he was tackled and his spine shattered.

Madden2159screen

Amazingly, EA are yet to contact me about turning this into a real game. Get ahead of the game, EA. We’ll all make billions!

Until next time,
Dr Ruffle B. Berg
Professional time machine enthusiast | Looking for Sarah Connor

Review: Syndicate vs A Sandwich

About 2 weeks ago a listing error on a primarily book selling website briefly put the FPS reboot of Syndicate up for sale for $6.80. I was one of the very few who got a copy before it reverted to its original price. Coincidentally, I spend about the same on my lunch at work every day. So, did this reboot of Syndicate give me as much enjoyment as my lunch would have given me? Let’s find out…

This fucking game...

There you have it. My lunch wins. Seriously, this game was a special find of awful. Statistically speaking, you’re more likely to accidentally get some aspect of your game right. It takes real effort to fuck 100% of it up. Don’t buy this. Not even for $6.80.

[UPDATE] Oculus Rift Box Art + New Game Details Revealed

It seems like such a myth, doesn’t it? A virtual reality gaming headset. Something you only see in bad 80s movies and gadget concept art. Well, that myth is fast becoming a reality because i experienced today what  real life virtual reality gaming is like. The guys from Oculus VR, the makers of the much talked about Oculus Rift gaming platform recently gave me a chance to be the first to test out some games on their new machine.

In-case you have no idea what i’m talking about, the Oculus Rift is a virtual reality display that goes on your head and tracks your head placement and translates this into in-game movements. You can see a picture distributed to the press below.

Image

I was lucky enough to have a few hours with the console and tested out some of the new games that will be launch titles for the machine when released. How did everything go? Well…

                                                                                          Tennis Spectator
Image
I’m not the biggest enthusiast when it comes to sports games so I was a little hesitant at first. But only 10 minutes in and I found myself in the groove turning my head left and right to follow the on-screen action. I was amazed at the realism. While watching a 6 hour match between Nadal and Ferrer, I spent entire in-game minutes checking my twitter and playing games on my phone occasionally watching the game and thinking of a funny thing to yell out in between points. I felt like I was really there in that seat at Wimbledon. And then i felt really, really bored. No tennis game has ever done that before. Well done Acclaim.

“The Oculus Rift is really blurring the line between a video game and the monotony of your everyday life”
~ Yolo Swagstrrøm
Gaming and Tech Editor | The Norwegian Press

                                                                                      Neck Pain Simulator 2013
ImageNeck Pain Simulator 2013 is more of a story driven game. You play as a man who while trying to win some brownie points from his attractive neighbour by fixing her roof falls off a ladder and hurts his neck. The game that follows is the 28 week rehab where you must stretch your neck for 10 minutes every morning before going to work. The immersion is truly a thing to behold. When the character was moving his neck to one side, it felt like I was doing the same! How the hell did this game manipulate my emotions like this? I was playing a pre-alpha, but it shows real promise.

Overall, I’ve been very impressed with the machine itself and the games it plays. I don’t know if this will be the game changer that makes the entire industry rethink everything it does. But it sure was a hell of a lot of fun to play. Keep your eye on this one.

[UPDATE]
I’ve been advised by my legal team that I am required to point out that playing the Oculus Rift for more than 3 hours at a time can lead to things such as eye strain, headaches, hyperintelligence, telekinesis, a complete loss of your sense of reality and a strong desire to assimilate into a computer.